Me: “It’s burns on the inside”
Friend: “What are you talking about?”
Me: “My heart and my brain, it’s like they’re at war…”

Like any other 19 year old, I’ve had quite my number of issues regarding a “love-life” and oh my!

Here I am, on a Sunday afternoon on campus (using wifi of course), having thoughts about everything that has happened since I met these 2 guys. You’re probably thinking, “another hoe,” but it’s not like that. You will never convince me that there is 1 girl out there, who hasn’t had feelings for 2 guys at the same time. My problem(s) is that, well let’s make a list, shall we?

Guy 1  :

  1. We agreed being just “buddies” (and by that I hope you understand what I mean)
  2. He’s not interested
  3. I’m probably not his type (probably nobodies)
  4. He’s moving to America in 2017 (yay for him, noooooooooooo for me)
  5. He’s gorgeous (it may not seem like a problem, but trust me when I tell you that there are plenty of girls falling for him)
  6. He drinks a lot (me too, but not as much as him tho)
  7. Did I mention that he’s not interested?
  8. He is a MAN and not a BOY


Guy 2:
(I can actually just paste the list above, but let’s put it into perspective.)

  1. He decided that we’ll always just be friends the first time he chose another girl
  2. He quite recently told me the same but now he’s single
  3. He can’t forget/ forgive my past
  4. He’s not interested either (“Oh honey, it’s me not you! I just make bad choices when it comes to men” – Unknown)
  5. I’m probably not his type either
  6. He sees my drinking and occasionally smoking ( I stopped tho) as  REALLY BAD
  7. Same old, same old! He’s stunning too!
  8. He is a MAN and not a BOY

My mind and heart is currently at war with each other. My mind clearly understands that I need to move on and forget about BOTH OF THEM while my heart argues that I can actually see myself marrying one of them, both of them if that was allowed 🙂 (wow that sounded like the Bachelorette Finale). Moving on seems impossible, but “staying” kills me. I can’t sleep, I want to cry the whole time etc. etc. etc.

But before you judge me and tell me that I’m a drama-queen or just another obsessed teenager, you’re absolutely right my friend, but I know that you’ll understand when I say this:

If choosing which one you love the most is so easy, why do people get afraid when they’re faced with such a decision?

So? What do you think?

Guy 1? Guy 2? Forget about both? Fight for one?




8 thoughts on “Him

  1. Maw Boon says:

    Oh maaan. We’re on the same boat, sorta. 2 guys, both gorgeous. The catch tho, they’re best friends fml. I wanna say I’m obsessed too. For now tho, since I can’t have both (I might have a slight chance with Dude 1), I just choose to enjoy both of em. With dude 1, ummmm..he’s game,but it’s all lust. And I don’t wanna hookup bc I like Dude 2 too and I don’t wanna end up fucking both of em? I don’t know. I might, eventually. I’m crazy.

    This didn’t help you one bit, did it.

    Liked by 1 person

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